the second.. desperately in need of a panacea. does somebody care?

as what ive shared for the first entry here in this blog, i am lazy, and i guess ill continue being lazy until someone breaks my habit. but never in a point in my life came a rationalization such as what i am about to share right now. just right after the examinations week for this term (3rd of 1st year college,dlsu), it came to my senses that more than anything else, MYSELF MATTERS THE MOST.

my mom constantly reminds me that i should know my priorities in life.. that i shouldknow how to distinguish between the unnecessary from the necessary, between whats beneficial and whats not, between the welfare of the others and the welfare of myself. i have been obedientin transforming these reminders into actions. i mean, thinking about all the things i haveaccomplished for the years that gone by which molded me into what i am right now, how can younot possibly say yes, leo indeed has a clear idea of what are his priorities. so what are these priorities you may ask me. academics?of course!how could it not be.. well, im not an absolutejerk to tell all of you that academics is my whole life. i survive academics with extra curricular activites. youth for christ (yfc) in the high school enriched me so much with inspirationto do further with service to others. and so,nearly 4 months ago ive decided (with all heart) torun for student council office under the banner of alyansang tapat sa lasalista. unfortunately i lost.(thats life. winners win, losers keep loosing) ive accepted the defeat, but what i cant accept so muchis that, i also lost my academics. now before you start hampering me with blatant words on what ive done(the election stuff), i know what i did... and i never regret any part of doing it. its just that...i lost my priorities. i lost track of where i was after the election period.i have to admit.. napapbayaan ko academics ko.its just so sad, but true.

now comes the rationalization. before you think about others, you think about yourself. why do you think about yourself first? because, you cannot set an example for them unless you cannot set an example for yourself. you implement first to yourself what you are trying to teach to others. you first think the necessary things beneficial to you, before you think that it is also beneficial to others. its like.. how can you set an example to others if you yourself couldnt manage yourself properly?! i am not after the selfish minded concept of thinking only about yourself.. but im after the reconstructing of myself.. that i myself should be prioritized first before anything else so that i could be.. well... better.

so this the sad reality i have to face. i have learned this lesson, in the hardest
way. now, i have to deal with a 2 0.0 graded subjects. but, as always... i am optimistic about it. never again should this happen...


nadapa, nahulog ayaw nang bumangon.
ako'y namulat kailangan ng umahon
alam kong ito'y nakakalito
kaluluwa'y huwag sanang lumayo

ayoko nang isipin
hindi na uulitin...